Breathing Room

It has been a while since I updated my blog.

I have been busy.

I was in Washington, DC the past ten days going to hospitals and meeting daily with doctor's as we tried to get an accurate view on where Lori's cancer is at this point and time.

The very good news is that the clinical trail using the experimental chemo drugs (iniparib and irinotecan) is working dramatically for Lori. Her single brain lesion has shrunk from 7 centimeters to less than 3 centimeters after the first 9 weeks.  

Also, very significantly she has no new lesions or metastasises anywhere else, not in her brain nor in her body.

And more good (though kind of scary good) news. 

The nodules in her left lung, that both her original oncologist and her oncologists at MD Anderson wanted to biopsy stating emphatically that it was cancer, are not cancer. 

After a series of tests with a leading pulmonologist at Georgetown Hospital he confirmed that they are simple scar tissue nodules from when Lori had pneumonia either this year. 

The scary part is that Lori has spent the past three months believing her cancer had spread to her lungs. I guess we all have to remember that doctors no matter how impressive are people not God, and they can and in this case did make a mistake.

So, while the battle to stop the triple negative breast cancer from reoccurring again in other parts of her body is far from over, Lori has responded remarkably to this experimental treatment.

She now has (as do those of us trying desperately to find a way to "cure" her) some breathing room. 

My good friend john Aquilino and I remain convinced that Lori is an atypical patient and a fast responder to aggressive treatments against this cancer. 

It is our belief (after months of research) that a 1-2 treatment strategy using this experimental (iniparib & irinotecan) "chemo" treatment and then working with a highly experimental new vaccine, we have discovered, a vaccine that has been shown to bolster the patient's immune system halting the recurrence of the cancer, thus stopping the metastatic behavior, will not only give Lori years to live a quality life, but indeed in this combination may be the key to an actual cure for tens of thousands of women in Lori's situation.

In any case, Lori is battling and at this moment she is beating the odds. 

Part of it is undoubtedly the chemo and her body's ability to respond.

A larger part of it is simply and wonderfully, God.

Mary, John's fiancee, and a woman of deep faith has spent months knitting Lori a beautiful red shaw, as a wrap around, as Lori is always cold from the "chemo" these days. 

When she gave it to Lori a few days ago, she whispered to Lori that each stitch was completed with a prayer for Lori's recovery. 

Lori's new shaw has literally thousands of prayers in it's fabric all asking the Lord to save her. 

How powerful is that? 

Since the news of the metastatic progression of Lori's cancer has spread, literally, tens of thousands of people have been praying for Lori across America, most of whom she has never met, but are asking God to let her beat this cancer.

Given where she was on June 4th when we were told the cancer was too aggressive and she had less than a year at most, (maybe less) and where we are today, my belief has grown and  strengthened and I truly see God's hand at play. 

Lori's battle is far from over but she will be here this Christmas and with God's help when we secure the vaccine she will be here many Christmas' to come. 

(Post script : I will get back to posting far less important, thoughts, items, and updates on this blog shortly). 

BUSY !!!

The last two weeks have been very busy.

We finalized the funding package for phase 1 expansion.

Went to San Antonio and interviewed several engineering firms.

Have had one engineering firm visit site and another coming tomorrow. 

Should get bids from engineers by 8/15.

Once we select an engineering firm the search for a permanent site will intensify.

Completed new batch holding system this week. 

We get so much evaporation here in summer months we have to add fresh water to the ponds to maintain the salinity at proper levels.

Our small filtration system takes too long to replace the amounts of fresh water we need after particularly intense weeks of heat so we developed a holding system outside the production module to allow us to collect and disinfect a "batch" of replacement water to have ready as needed.

We have new shipment of PL's arriving tomorrow as well.

So, lots happening which is a good thing.

And of course I continue to pray for Lori as she undergoes the "irinotecan and iniparib chemo" clinical trial at Georgetown Hospital in DC.

The 30th of this month we will know if the treatment is doing what it is supposed to, which is to halt the metastatic activity of her cancer.

Lots of prayers for Lori are being said everyday from people all around the country and globe. 

I have faith God is listening.  

Books of Faith

So yes, it is Christmas, that time of the year and for some reason this year, instead of thinking about Bing Crosby and White Christmas, and Elvis and Blue Christmas, and Burl Ives and a “Holly, Jolly, Christmas”, my thoughts have return repeatedly to several books that have had a profound effect on my faith and my belief in Jesus Christ.

I realize that many people feel the Bible is more then adequate to provide the foundations for faith in this weird world in which we live. I enjoy the Bible in its many translations and sometimes still, in the dead of night when my fears and wavering faith (and conviction) peak, find comfort in many of its passages.

That said the following are four books that have provided me with enormous comfort during some of my very confused moments and when my faith in “something beyond all of this” has wavered.

So Merry Christmas, I hope these books (should you choose to read them) bring you the comfort and peace and joy they have brought and continue to bring to me.

 The first is “God, The Evidence”, by Patrick Glynn.

Here is what Amazon and others say about this book:

“In the modern age science has been winning its centuries—old battle with religion for the mind of man. The evidence has long seemed incontrovertible: Life was merely a product of blind chance—a cosmic roll of an infinite number of dice across an eternity of time. Slowly, methodically, scientists supplied answers to mysteries insufficiently explained by theologians. Reason pushed faith off into the shadows of mythology and superstition, while atheism became a badge of wisdom. Our culture, freed from moral obligation, explored the frontiers of secularism. God was dead.

"Glynn's arguments for the existence of God put the burden of disproof on those intellectuals who think that the question has long since been settled." — Andrew M. Greeley

But now, in the twilight of the twentieth century, a startling transformation is taking place in Western scientific and intellectual thought. At its heart is the dawning realization that the universe, far from being a sea of chaos, appears instead to be an intricately tuned mechanism whose every molecule, whose every physical law, seems to have been design from the very first nanosecond of the big bang toward a single end—the creation of life. This intellectually and spiritually riveting book asks a provocative question: Is science, the long-time nemesis of the Deity, uncovering the face of God?

Patrick Glynn lays out the astonishing new evidence that caused him to turn away from the atheism he acquired as a student at Harvard and Cambridge. The facts are fascinating: Physicists are discovering an unexplainable order to the cosmos; medical researchers are reporting the extraordinary healing powers of prayer and are documenting credible accounts of near-death experiences; psychologists, who once considered belief in God to be a sign of neurosis, are finding instead that religious faith is a powerful elixir for mental health; and sociologists are now acknowledging the destructive consequences of a value-free society.”

I am totally enthralled by the opening chapter that discuss the “unexplainable order to the cosmos” that physicists are discovering. (The rest of Glynn’s book did not have the same impact for me).

That said, not since reading the first chapter of Peter Singer’s “Animal Liberation” has a single chapter in a book made such a convincing argument to me that it infused my own views and thoughts. Do yourself a favor and just read the opening chapter in Glynn’s book and I am confident it will enrich your conviction “that there is a God” or if you currently believe there is not, it may make you rethink that view.

The second book I am rereading the Christmas is Lee Strobel’s “The Case for Christ”.

Again from Amazon, “A seasoned journalist chases down the biggest story in history--is there credible evidence that Jesus of Nazareth really is the Son of God?

Retracing his own spiritual journey from atheism to faith, Lee Strobel, former legal editor of the Chicago Tribune, cross-examines a dozen experts with doctorates from schools like Cambridge, Princeton, and Brandeis who are recognized authorities in their own fields. Strobel challenges them with questions like: How reliable is the New Testament? Does evidence for Jesus exist outside the Bible? Is there any reason to believe the resurrection was an actual event?

Strobel's tough, point-blank questions make this Gold Medallion-winning book read like a captivating, fast-paced novel. But it's not fiction. It's a riveting quest for the truth about history's most compelling figure. What will your verdict be in The Case for Christ?

"Lee Strobel probes with bulldog-like tenacity the evidence for the truth of biblical Christianity."--Bruce M. Metzger, Ph.D., Professor of New Testament, Emeritus, Princeton Theological Seminary

"Lee Strobel asks the questions a tough-minded skeptic would ask. His book is so good I read it out loud to my wife evenings after dinner. Every inquirer should have it."--Phillip E. Johnson, Law Professor, University of California at Berkeley.”

OK, Strobel’s book is very one sided and surely will not move any skeptics or atheists toward Christianity but it is a very well written, an entertaining read, and it makes a strong case for Jesus being the Son of God from an investigative journalistic perspective. (As an aside Thomas Cahill’s “The Desire of the Everlasting Hills” is another must read for this time of the year).

Then there is a book that really reinforces my belief in God’s existence, (regardless of how unfathomable God was and will always be, and despite the fact that clearly none of the earth’s religions gets it right). When I reread this book I feel with confidence there is in fact a God and the probability that Jesus was his son and God made physical on the earth is about 100%.

I am talking about CS Lewis’ “Mere Christianity”. I have been comforted and enriched by this single book so much in the past, that this year as a Christmas present to myself I bought an audio version.

And finally, there is a personal favorite book of mine that is difficult to read as it was originally written in German so the English translation at times can be stilted. It will never be a best seller but in terms of helping me strengthen my own (often shaky) faith it is right up there.

This is J. Christiaan Beker’s “ The Triumph of God, The Essence of Paul’s Thought”.

So, I am not going to extol these books in prose or detail their positions.

They simply bring me comfort. And that is more than enough to make me reread them often. 

So, do yourself a favor and  if you have the time read them all.

And by the way, Merry Christmas. 

Reflections On A Sunday Morning

I have heard it all my life but only recently has the following expression really resonated with me.


"If life hands you some lemons, learn to make lemonade".


Driving back from the local Starbucks this morning I started thinking about the past year of my life and I have to say, for a second I was dangerously close to attending a self pity party.


Last year someone burned down the home my wife and I had lived in for 5 years and a house frankly I had always loved. Yes, we had insurance and no, we were not living there, but the emotional pain of losing a place that I had assumed was a safe haven that we could always return too, if needed, was intense.


Then in February we learned that Lori, (my wife), has triple negative breast cancer. There was nothing in my life that had prepared me for that shock. (She has gone through extensive treatment and for now, the cancer is gone, but we pray every day it will not return, and that fear that it may return can be "at times" crippling).


I have spent the last 9 months constructing our first closed recirculating aquaculture production module that will demonstrate the commercial viability of the system I have spent a decade plus developing.  This is the second time I have had to take on this task despite the enormous success we had in South Africa in the years of 2006-2008, where we built the initial prototype and produces thousands of pounds of high quality jumbo shrimp.  That venture was disrupted, as a consequence of hubris and greed, in my opinion at least.


And a few months ago one of my dearest friends and companion, my black Lab "Lulu" passed away.


I mean, even measured against the experiences of my life, it has been a very, difficult stretch.


So, for just an instance I almost gave into the moment and I could feel the depression and melancholia starting to creep in. And in that second I realized that while I could not do a thing to change what had gone before, I could stay focused on today and hopefully chart a course for a better future. 


I have often spent too much time reliving the past and worrying of what the future might bring.


There is a great line in movie Kung Fu Panda. 


(Yes, I like animated movies and I am man enough to not be ashamed of that fact). 


To paraphrase that line, it goes something like this: 


"The "past" is called the past because it is lost and cannot be changed and the "future" cannot be known, but the reason we call the "present", the present is because it is a "gift". It is what we have now".


So, as I reflected on my life today, I suddenly realized that today is a gift and my life today is filled with gifts. My wife is alive and cancer free and in the days and weeks ahead I have the opportunity to be a better husband and value her more then ever. I can also try and strengthen my faith in God and in Jesus Christ and I can pray everyday asking God to protect Lori and keep her cancer free and in doing that perhaps also find my way back to the faith I need.


We are virtually finished the construction phase of our project and we will begin to grow our shrimp again and we can begin to develop a strategy for expanding our production capacity immediately.


I can start to look for a place to live for the next year that is warm and laid back which will help Lori regain her strength (she cannot go through a freezing Maryland winter). A location that will give me the time I need to start to focus on where I want to have my home based in the coming years. Suburban Maryland while lovely, is not where I want to wake up each morning. 


And the most amazing thing that my reflections made me aware of this morning was, the fact that I have many options and opportunities ahead of me from which to make my choices. 


I still have the very real possibility of hope. 


And that is truly a "gift".