Battle Over

Lori Jeanne White- Wills 

October 20, 1958 - August 30, 2014

"There are no words"

Thoughts on a Sunday Night in Maryland

I have been at my house in Maryland the past three days. 

First time in a long time that I have had the opportunity or occasion to be back at my own house in Maryland alone, at least as far as human company goes. 

Oliver and Wigs, my last two surviving cats, 18 and 17 years old respectively, and Lily, our African grey parrot, now almost 20 years old still reside here with the young woman who takes care of them and the house.

The young woman who looks after the house has gone on her yearly retreat with her boyfriend and given the work load and schedule that I know I will be facing over the next year it seemed a great opportunity for me to spend some time getting back in some semblance of physical shape, doing some introspective reflection, and in short, catching my breath after the insanity and pressure of the past 6 years, both professional and personal.

I have hiked the wonderful scenic woodland trails here in Maryland each day and continue to marvel at the deer, the squirrels, raccoons, field mice, the multitude of bird species, and more and once again, am reminded of the beauty and diversity of nature and the incredible amount of sentient life on this planet. It always strengthens my faith in a "Creator".

On the personal front the latest news on Lori is not good, in fact, it is very bad. About 10 weeks ago tests showed once again progression of the metastatic "tnbc" in Lori's brain.

A new chemo cocktail was developed and after several battles with the insurance company (yes, that battle seems to never end), we got approval for payment and to go forward.  That combination worked very well for almost two months. 

But this cancer Lori has battled for 41 months is very aggressive and adaptable and last week her tests showed serious progression in her liver. 

Her pain has been increasing and her appetite decreasing neither of which is good and worse her memory and ability to recall things has declined.

So, in two weeks a "new" combination of chemo drugs will begin, 
(this time thank goodness already approved by the insurance company) and we will see what we can do about slowing or halting the liver metastasizes. 

We continue to pray for miracles and I personally want to thank the thousands of you who pray every day for Lori. The fact she is still with us years after virtually every oncologist in the USA said she could not survive 24 months with metastatic "tnbc" let alone 41 months is a testament to the power of those prayers.

Ironically, on the business front things are going very, very, well. 

Despite several ongoing frustrations with the piss poor quality of some of our suppliers, both in their manufacturing capability and in their installation, (and in my view in their integrity) we are making significant progress growing shrimp. 

Steve Groe, one of our major investors and a professional electrician, who has his own business in Iowa, has taken on the task of Chairman of the Construction Committee and between his efforts and those of Eduardo, I think we are beginning to perfect the construction and design side of the company, which has been our greatest frustration to date. 

I recently (July) wrote about my frustrations with American manufacturing and installation in a blog that had in the title, 
" Paradigm Shifts and 747's". 

Eduardo is now firmly entrenched as the VP of Operations, and has taken total control of production and we are expecting our first partial harvest next month. 

This will be the very first commercial harvest using this system that has taken over a decade to design, develop, modify, re-design, and build and I can only tell you I still believe this system is going to change the world.

And starting in October we will be beginning one project (building our system) in Asia and I anticipate at least 1 project in both the Middle East and Latin America to begin before years end.

At the end of this blog I am trying something new. I am going to try and put up a 5 second video taken of the shrimp being weighed last week. I have no idea if you will be able to access it but if you can watch it closely as it is very short and taken with a phone camera video. 

But if you can access it you will get to see a big shrimp jump and boy, can they jump. 

I do not give as much detail as I used to about what we are now doing with our system as we are now starting to attract too much attention from those who potentially could be in a position to benefit by copying our system. 

Though I may just be paranoid after everything I have been through. 

Jim Salmon, who heads up our sales and marketing and distribution company and who was a former Chairman of the National Fisheries Institute as well as a VP for General Mills and a great friend, says "we could give someone the plans and the instructions and it would still take them ten years to get to where we are today."

He may be right. 

But I have fought to much, worked too hard, and risked too much, and have a lot of people who have helped along the way  that I want to benefit now as we start being commercially successful, to take that chance. 

In any event, these are my current thoughts on a Sunday night in Maryland. 

I think someday very soon I am going to write a fun blog, with no mention of cancer or work or any serious topic in it at all. 

Maybe I will write an ode to John Wayne, still my favorite movie star after all these years, or maybe a treatise on the Zen-like spirituality of fly fishing. 

I hope you can access the attached brief but funny video. 

My Dirty Dozen

I have said it before but it bears repeating. 

I blog for cathartic reasons. It helps me vent. 

For those of you who read it and agree with some or most of what I write, "thanks". 

For those of you who write nasty comments about what I write 
"don't read the damn blog". 

No one makes you read it, it is simply me using a forum I think sucks, ( i.e., social media) to vent. 

This is not great literature. 

It is just some jerk (me) writing to get things off my chest and it is a lot cheaper than a therapist. 

So, today's rant is "My Dirty Dozen". 

No, the title has nothing to do with the movie made in 1967 starring Lee Marvin and Telly Savalas and Clint Walker and Jim Brown.

Though despite its violence and the criticism of the movie at the time I actually thought it was a damn fine movie.

No, my dirty dozen is a list of things I am just sick of and tired of hearing, reading, or even being forced to deal with. 

Number 1 is cancer. I hate it. If we are so damn smart as a species, after all the billions have been spent on research, I think it is time to kill it or defeat it or in some way not always let it win. 

Now after watching a wife face stage 4 terminal brain cancer for 41 months, no doubt I have a personal bias, but let me tell you, try and find someone, anyone, whose life has not been harmed or negatively touched by this evil disease. So, cancer tops my list of my own personal dirty dozen.

Number 2 is the "Fallacy of the Commons". For those of you not familiar with the original work I would suggest you read the original but the gist is simple. 

There is a certain amount of space on this earth and if we each use only our fair share and do not get greedy it can sustain us all, but invariably one or more of us gets greedy and tries to gain an advantage and use more than their share and the result is that the earth suffers. 

I am tired of it. I am tired of greed and the Wall Street mentality and the materialistic mentality that seems to have become the only definition of "winning". 

( I am also tired of all the pseudo intellectual types who criticize the essay without even having a clue what it was about but that is a rant for another day). 

Number 3 is the concept of "esse est percipi" or that "perception is reality". For years I used to think this was some great philosophical truth and that it was not what was real that was important but what people thought was real that made us act as we do. 

Bull shit. 

"Esse est percipi" is just a guise for cultural relativism (including immaterialism) which is a guise for rationalization of one's bad behavior. 

In short, "I do what I want to do because as I see the world that which do works for me". 

Number 4 is apathy. 

I am sick of people not caring. 

A few days ago on highway 188 in Texas I saw a family of ducks, a drake, a hen and 5 baby ducklings huddles in the middle of a damn road terrified to move because trucks and cars speeding at 85 miles an hour where too damn busy or unconcerned to slow down to let them cross. 

So I stopped and pulled my Ford 150 across both lanes and blocked traffic for 3 whole minutes until I got them over the road and into a small stream of water along the road way for which I was cusssed and given the finger at least 8 times. 

Well guess what, if you are so damn apathetic you cannot take a few minutes to empathize with a terrified family of ducks your ass needs to be taken off this planet and I don't care if that sounds harsh. I mean it.

Number 5 is "sport hunting". 

Now there is a damn oxymoron if I ever heard it. 

After existing on this planet for thousands of years and facing mortality, death, and the loss of existence, how anyone can find any pleasure in killing something, especially an animal is just beyond me.. 

I know death is part of life but "sport", give me a break. 

I have friends that still hunt for fun. Truth is they are not my friends, I tolerate them, as my associates, for inside my soul, I pray to God they experience all the pain and fear and terror of facing their own mortality soon. 

Number 6 is cruelty. 

Frankly, this should be a capital punishment offense. 

To quote some famous person, "lex talionis  or an "eye for an eye"would be appropriately applied here.

I am sick of dogs tied outside and seeing possums hit on purpose by idiots who think its funny and sociopaths who beat women and who hit kids, and so on and so forth. 

My new rule. You enjoy/inflict cruelty, you need to leave the gene pool asap.

Number 7 is bully's, which I have found are usually just cruel cowards. 

They want to be cruel all the time but can only do so against lesser creatures. I am tired of physical bullying, cyber bullying, and bullying in any form. 

I have an offer, you want to abuse, ridicule, put down, embarasss, intimidate, terrify, pick on, some one call me.

I am more than ready to give you a target personally.

Number 8 "the legal system" in the USA. It is not fair, it is not equitable, it is not justice, it is bull shit. 

Rapists walk while a pot head does ten to twenty. It is more "bull shit" and I am tired of the talk of reform. 

It is simple. 

Those who commit violent acts go to jail or get put to death, non-violent acts do social work, no muss, no fuss.

Number 9 is "the Internet". 

Yes, I realize it brings enormous knowledge to our fingertips, it makes the world smaller, it has a thousand positives, but it sucks. 

It has depersonalized us and it has made bullying and slander and libel, and defamation easier and allows lies to multiply. And it lets cowards hide behind anonymity. 

It is a tool that used only for good, might almost be worth having. 

And yes, I realize I sound like my grandfather but the truth is its harm has far outweighed its good, and that is my opinion. 

I recognize most, if not all will disagree with me, but I think it was a sad day and the beginning of devolution for humans when the Internet came "online".

Number 10 is "religion". 

Notice I am saying religion, NOT GOD. 

GOD is great, GOD is just fine, but religion, which are basically sects or fraternities or segregated cults that use anything they can misinterpret as being from GOD to justify their own beliefs and behavior is just getting ridiculous.

And I am not just sick and tired of Islamic radicals, I am just as tired of the ultra right wing Christians, the middle of the road Methodists, the silly Buddhists, I am sick of all of them. 

Jefferson wrote a Bible one time that had in in it (supposedly) only the words that Jesus actually spoke. 

Read it. It makes a hell of a lot more sense than anything else out there on religion I have read and I have read well over two hundred freaking books on the cults of various religions. 

Number 11 on my list is a much simpler issue. It involves leaving dogs and kids in cars. 

Stop it. 

Aside from the fact it kills a kid or three each year and about 100 dogs it is barbaric. 

Don't take your kid or dog and leave them alone in a damn car, hot or cold. It is scary, insensitive, cruel, stupid, inconsiderate, and irresponsible. 

So just fucking stop it. Do not leave a helpless creature alone for a second, What the fuck is wrong with people? 

Number 12, may seem anti-climatic but it is my biggest, my dirtiest of my dirty dozen and it is "ignorance". 

As a matter of fact with the exception of cancer and the Internet I think every one of my dirty dozen can be categorized as a form or subset of ignorance. 

Killing for sport is ignorant. 

Bullying is ignorant. 

Apathy is ignorant. 

So hey, maybe I saved the best (of the worst) for last. 

Ignorance is no longer acceptable. If you are ignorant then shut up and keep it to yourself and if you are so ignorant as to open your mouth and advertise your ignorance, do not be surprised when people like me start pointing your ignorance out.  

An associate of mine once said, " Stupid I can fix, but ignorance is not fixable".

So, the above is my rant for the day. Read it at your own peril. 

Talking Versus Doing

I am really not trying to get on a soapbox these past few blogs but even when I read them after I write them they sometimes come off that way, even to me.

In the past two years I have traveled to Myanmar, Japan and Okinawa, Saudi Arabia, Tanzania, El Salvador, the Turks and Caicos Islands, Colombia, and have had visitors to our Texas site from Argentina, Canada, and met with influential people from Ecuador, Peru and even Mexico.

And sadly all of these high end meetings and very ego boosting trips have only reinforced my views that I developed during my investigations days watching people exploit and kill and take and rape animals and the earth for their own desires and greed. 

With two exceptions. 

I cannot comment yet, but two governments, two visitors, two of the most unlikely countries on earth "got it". 

They saw and embraced what we at GBT have been trying to do for over 12 years. (Actually we have been at this almost 15 years, now). 

I knew by the time I was 30 years old you cannot expect any cures or "fixes" from governments. Governments at best, are administrators. They are today, comprised largely of politicians. 

They are few if any "leaders". 

Leaders and leadership are perhaps the most endangered species and attributes on the earth.

A leader looks to the problems and threats facing a nation or society or the world and seeks solutions and fixes and tries to make things "right". Churchill was a leader. Mandela was a leader. Marcus Aurelius was a leader.

Politicians however, look backwards away from the problems and pains afflicting society and nations and the world and try and ascertain where their support base wishes them to go. That way they can be assured of keeping the perks and powers of privilege that they covet so desperately. 

The things that make them feel they are better than the rest of us.

And of course the earth suffers.

I know by 1994 you could not look to the Non-Governmental Groups, the NGO's, or the quasi-governmental groups like the World Bank or the United Nations. They are just businesses run under a different banner but the individual greed and hubris and fear of lost position or lost benefits infects them as surely as it does those politicians in governments. NGO's and all, exist to expose, sensationalize, raise the alarm and moist importantly raise money.

As a former mentor high up in the NGO world once said, " David people do not send a $25.00 check when the whales are doing OK". 

And the earth suffers. 

In 1992 not long after the Rio Convention I started to think about the idea of "ethical capitalism". Making a profit is important, make no doubt about it. But I started asking myself, " Is that the sole end of everything we do on this earth that defines success". Of course, we all know it is not.

The real question then began to formulate in my brain. Can you make money, be successful, and be profitable, and not only "not" harm the earth but can you do so helping it. 

And no, I am not talking about NGO's whose business is getting you to send money in the belief they will somehow use your money to make the earth safer, better, more secure. Any hope or belief I had in that system sailed long ago over the edge of the earth into oblivion. 

No, the question that has driven me almost to the point of insanity 
(no giggles or comments like " too late" will be ignored) is can you produce something the earth desperately needs and make the area and the earth better for it and can you do so at a profit and doing it the "right" (meaning moral) way.

Today everyone from Putin to Obama to Ron Paul to Hillary to, ..... well, you get my drift, talks about making the world better but no one does it.

I think GBT is close. I think in 60 days or less we will produce a healthy, sustainable, source of seafood, the "right" (read moral) way and we will do it in a system that improves the site and the area and the environment where we started. And I think, I am not certain, but I think we may have a system that when fully integrated may be able to do this around the world. 

Now if I am right, won't that be "doing" not just "talking"?

And the earth will "benefit". 

Again, as I often say, "how cool is that"?