I have heard it all my life but only recently has the following expression really resonated with me.
"If life hands you some lemons, learn to make lemonade".
Driving back from the local Starbucks this morning I started thinking about the past year of my life and I have to say, for a second I was dangerously close to attending a self pity party.
Last year someone burned down the home my wife and I had lived in for 5 years and a house frankly I had always loved. Yes, we had insurance and no, we were not living there, but the emotional pain of losing a place that I had assumed was a safe haven that we could always return too, if needed, was intense.
Then in February we learned that Lori, (my wife), has triple negative breast cancer. There was nothing in my life that had prepared me for that shock. (She has gone through extensive treatment and for now, the cancer is gone, but we pray every day it will not return, and that fear that it may return can be "at times" crippling).
I have spent the last 9 months constructing our first closed recirculating aquaculture production module that will demonstrate the commercial viability of the system I have spent a decade plus developing. This is the second time I have had to take on this task despite the enormous success we had in South Africa in the years of 2006-2008, where we built the initial prototype and produces thousands of pounds of high quality jumbo shrimp. That venture was disrupted, as a consequence of hubris and greed, in my opinion at least.
And a few months ago one of my dearest friends and companion, my black Lab "Lulu" passed away.
I mean, even measured against the experiences of my life, it has been a very, difficult stretch.
So, for just an instance I almost gave into the moment and I could feel the depression and melancholia starting to creep in. And in that second I realized that while I could not do a thing to change what had gone before, I could stay focused on today and hopefully chart a course for a better future.
I have often spent too much time reliving the past and worrying of what the future might bring.
There is a great line in movie Kung Fu Panda.
(Yes, I like animated movies and I am man enough to not be ashamed of that fact).
To paraphrase that line, it goes something like this:
"The "past" is called the past because it is lost and cannot be changed and the "future" cannot be known, but the reason we call the "present", the present is because it is a "gift". It is what we have now".
So, as I reflected on my life today, I suddenly realized that today is a gift and my life today is filled with gifts. My wife is alive and cancer free and in the days and weeks ahead I have the opportunity to be a better husband and value her more then ever. I can also try and strengthen my faith in God and in Jesus Christ and I can pray everyday asking God to protect Lori and keep her cancer free and in doing that perhaps also find my way back to the faith I need.
We are virtually finished the construction phase of our project and we will begin to grow our shrimp again and we can begin to develop a strategy for expanding our production capacity immediately.
I can start to look for a place to live for the next year that is warm and laid back which will help Lori regain her strength (she cannot go through a freezing Maryland winter). A location that will give me the time I need to start to focus on where I want to have my home based in the coming years. Suburban Maryland while lovely, is not where I want to wake up each morning.
And the most amazing thing that my reflections made me aware of this morning was, the fact that I have many options and opportunities ahead of me from which to make my choices.
I still have the very real possibility of hope.
And that is truly a "gift".
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